Fulfillment

In a previous post I worked through the feeling of emptiness and how profound the feeling was, well now I wish to talk about the feeling of Fulfillment and how profound and complete the feeling is.

With reference to that previous post, I have since obtained a Stereo and several CDs, some pottery, even an antique cabinet which gives me visual pleasure along with my Mother’s paintings. So I am pleased with the progress in creating my own environment.

However at this point I realize that reference is due to several previous posts because many things have changed in the last few months.

The trip to Algies Bay was cathartic, to say the least because to be welcomed with open arms and embraced by the spirit of the place was wonderful at the time and turns out also healing. This is the point at which I forgave myself and found acceptance of myself, for if the spirit of that place can love me so much then I surrender to it.

I also wish to reference the posting about the balance of life in which I sort a balance within my own life, well it seems that I have found that balance and inner peace with it.  May be it is part of the healing and opening up to life and acceptance of myself, but all the inner chatter, self doubt, and self loathing has subsided and in its place is the total acceptance of self and inner piece of the like I have never known.

Which brings me to a question; why after so many years of turbulent weather is the weather of life now so calm and warm. The realization that ‘As we view ourselves so we view the world’ is true because from the very moment my view of myself changed so too did the view of all things around me.

I could pass the credit on to ‘the loved one’ but I know within myself that I cannot fix anyone else, not even my own children, so she did not do this. However herein lies a conundrum, I did not plan this, nor did ‘the loved one’ so did it happen by change, a random collection of events that sparked at just the right time in the right sequence, or is there a force that guides us, presenting us with opportunities, choices that lead us to grow. Ouch, I know that is a big pill to swallow, if you’re a confirmed skeptic as I was. However I do feel that the events of 2012 from start to finish was guided, actually I would like to use a stronger phrase here but chose not to because in all if this there is free choice.

Sorry that was a little rabble, if we are guided buy an unseen force then we also need to listen for the guidance and be receptive enough to recognize the hand of guidance. If this is true and my journey in the last 14 months has been guided to a place of healing, then is it possible that we are also instruments of guidance put in places to help others. I now know this to be true with complete faith. This part is difficult to put into words so bare with my clumsy elaboration. I now know that I have been guided to this place of piece by a loving hand, and that the more open and accepting I am to that hand the more loving it becomes. I felt that hand at Algies bay and several times since.

Love comes from within and must be within before we can give. Here is the lovely part, only when I surrendered to love did I receive it and along with it came inner peace, serenity and strength. Real strength can be found in this place, male strength. Any fool can don armor and go into battle, but standing naked in battle takes strength which can only truly be found within from a place of love. One more thing, without inner love, I stood alone and required armor, with inner love I am never alone and have the strength to stand naked, that is open and loving.

A few months ago several events coincided that lead me to write this little passage.

Well today I had an Epiphany, that as life throws things at us that shatter the dull calm and tranquility that seems to grow when there is an excessive lack of inspiration, there is the discovery of new and exciting seeds that seem to move in as if carried by the wind and settle at our feet, we only need water them with love and watch them grow.

This marks the entrance of ‘The loved one’, the seed. I know believe this is by the hand of guidance and as I have shifted and grown, so has the love.

As the love within me has grown so has the love for this oak tree. Metaphorically speaking the love within me is the water, this water is now filled with love and light and the more I water the oak, the more water there is and the richer it becomes. This seed now stands as a grand oak tree.

At the same time my seed was also sown in the same fertile ground and as I have allowed this seed to grow, by opening up to the love within and the abundant water from the oak, my pohutukawa now stands strong.

In shedding armor and opening up to the love within I have found fulfillment in the love of another. The two trees now stand side by side protecting and watering each other with roots intertwined yet standing as two independent trees. It is ironic that in surrender I found the strength to stand naked and in doing so found a love greater than I have ever know both within and without.

Thanks to the guiding force and the power of love