Knowing

Is there a difference between Knowing and Knowledge? I believe there is. I can read a book or read information from the internet or any other medium and that is knowledge. I can go to a university and complete a Degree or Masters and acquire a mountain of knowledge, but that is all it is. Knowing something comes from the heart. Knowing is freedom, freedom from confusion and doubt, freedom from oppression and victimisation, from all the dark forces.

Within myself there is a battle between light and darkness that has been raging all my life, a battle between rational thought and unconscious beliefs. I have fought this battle even with the knowledge of light but without knowing or having ever stood in light.

The difference now is that even when I stand in the darkness with all the darkness and internal dialog, I can now stand there knowing that the light is also within me and that it is much stronger than the darkness and I need only ask for it to shine. It is as simple as opening the door and walking into the sunlight.

The difficulty is that when standing in the darkness, it envelops me and shrouds the light; it tells me that there is no light or the light is false. It is after all a very familiar place. It also hides the door to the light. What is happening is that the subconscious is fighting for survival.

The last four months has been an exciting and an eliminating experience where many things have happened and I have learned about the light to the point where I know it. I now stand on the cusp of possibly the most important phase of my life, the doing of my purpose in this life. Life has never been better. So why does the darkness descend now?

Its fighting for survival, telling me that I am not entitled to it, I’m not good enough, what’s the point, you will stuff it up anyway, that sort of thing. I have been listening to it all day. Well I also made a choice earlier today and that was to open the door to the light, I asked for help, and what do you know, I am now standing in light again, dim light but light there is.

The subconscious is a powerful devil, hell bent on maintaining control, to maintain its dominance and preserve the ego, because if it loses it will die. Well I chose to follow the light. This is not the first time I have made this choice, and it is likely not the last.

In summary, I have knowledge of the darkness but now I also have knowing of the light. Knowledge of light is not enough to beat the darkness it must be taken within and accepted in order to know it. The light does not shine from the outside, it shines from within.

Light or Mud, my choice

Recently I was given a program of learning for the winter from an irrefutable source and have commenced it with earnest and an open mind. It concerns becoming and staying in a state of awareness of the present moment.  

I have just returned from an extended Easter break where I took 10 days off and spent part of that out of town by the sea in an intensive tutorial. Returning to the city, I was in such a state of awareness, that I could hear everything, feel everything, even sense the field of energy emanating from the TV’s on standby mode.

Then back at work, I was trying to keep myself aware and in the present and succeeding quite well, until I got hit. Hit with a pile of mud. There is no blame in any of this; it is all my own mud. I got dragged into a conversation with another person who raised one of my work related demons. When I finally left work I was dragging all that mud with me. It was on the 20 minute walk to the car when I realized that I was covered in mud, this is the moment that I became aware again, still covered in mud but aware of it nonetheless.

Now I’m also reading a book recommended by the program where the subject matter concerns being present and aware of the moment. I was reading part of this during the week, but isn’t it funny how things just seem to coincide. Today I was reading about how the mind attaches its identity to the way things are, and the attachment to them, moreover the resistance to change and how that upsets the identity which then proceeds to complain and resist the change.

Woops it seems that I am still mortal and subject to the insanity of attachment to the things that define my identity. This has happened to me many times, being covered in mud and often leads to despair. What made the difference this time was that I became aware of the mud, it was that simple. Now being mortal and a beginner at this awareness thing, it has taken me a few days to shake it off, but shake it off I have.

Now, what have I learned; well things change, as they do when driving a car, there is no point in resisting change as it is the nature of things to change. I accept that in my car and have no attachment to anything on the road, so why not adopt the same approach to my life.

Do you have any idea how silly I feel right now? My life, my very being only exists now, in this present moment, and everything around me is forever changing, it has to, so why resist it.

It is now my resolve to complete this program and accept that the only things in this mortal life that is truly mine, is this moment and the awareness of self in this moment. I chose to step out of the mud and into the light of the present moment in full awareness of myself.

There was one more treasure identified today, and that is that it is OK to feel unhappy or despair just know it and recognize it, be aware of it.